AS MERRY AS THE DAY IS LONG

By M. Sue Bergin, ‘79

As Merry as the Day Is Long

It's 10:30 in the morning, and 300 school children pack the assembly room of Mountain Shadows Elementary School in West Jordan, Utah, for a lecture about Shakespeare and his times. They sit on the linoleum floor, wiggling and whispering and daring their guest to hold their attention. Within minutes, they've lost the dare.

How about a Renaissance gift idea for that special boy? asks Donna J. Nielsen, '86. A favorite in Shakespeare's time was the "love apple." She produces a fat, shiny red apple and holds it high.

"First you peel it," she explains to the children, hushed in anticipation. "Then you tuck it under your armpit for about four days."

A disapproving hum buzzes through the crowd.

"Then you give it to your sweetheart."

A wave of "ews" and "yucks" ripples across the room.

"When he wants to think of you, all he has to do is take a whiff."

Howls and moans echo for a solid minute.

Nielsen has the punch line down flat after presenting her lecture to some 50 elementary schools along the Wasatch Front during the 2001–02 school year. That's about 10,000 students, making her something of a celebrity. She's occasionally recognized in the grocery aisle or movie theater as "the Shakespeare Lady."

"After the kids learn these things, all their lives they're not intimidated by Shakespeare," says Nielsen after the lecture. "I love seeing kids totally unintimidated and feeling smart."

Because her audiences are so young, Nielsen makes sure Shakespeare lines and Renaissance history are integrated with funny, gross, and fascinating facts—most of which also instruct. For example, after sharing a popular proverb from Shakespeare's day, she discusses the status of women in society at the time. Although many may not have regarded women well, she says, Shakespeare had a more elevated view of women and has many of his meatiest speeches spoken by female characters.

Nielsen offers a host of tidbits from Shakespeare's times with which to impress one's peers:

• "Greensleeves" was the number-one hit song in England for 50 years, and Shakespeare included a lot of words from it in his plays.

• A big gut and thick calves in men was considered attractive because fat meant rich. So men stuffed the front of their shirts to look fatter and wore fancy stockings--sometimes a different color on each leg--to draw attention to their legs.

• Medieval scholar and theologian Erasmus created some rules about manners for children, including the recommendation that if you need to hurl, don't hold it in--just do it and let the dogs clean it up.

• No one ate with a fork because forks had three tines, and everyone knew the devil's pitchfork had three tines. Our forks today have four tines for that very reason.

• The coronation dress for Queen Elizabeth I weighed 500 pounds, and she needed four men to help her carry it.

• Green was the color of love, and different colors of green meant different kinds of love. Romantic love was a lovely shade of goose turd.

• Churches were cold in winter, so people took small pets with them to church to help them stay warm.

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